Disappointment or Fate?

Hello, love <3

     Monday evening I tried out for my high school's Swim Team. Try outs were supposed to be both Monday and Tuesday night, but for some reason the coaches changed the plan and told us after we finished swimming that the team would be announced that same night.

     So after swimming my hardest and fastest, I went back home and sat by my phone, checking my email every 5 seconds so I wouldn't miss the message with the team roster. When that moment finally did come, I discovered that I didn't make the team.

     Yes, I had a good cry and yes I was upset. I'd worked my hardest, harder than I ever had before.

     But, it wasn't for nothing. Just because I didn't make the team doesn't mean I'm going to throw everything away. I am going to continue swimming and I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I'm not a part of the team this year. Because of the conditioning workouts I slowly became more and more proud of myself.

     A big part of trying out for the swim team was college. I'm in my first year of high school, but I don't think it's too early to start thinking about college. Of course, I do say I like to live in the now, but college is a huge part of my academic career. So, I began thinking about how I'm going to get in.

     It worried me. I'm not an athletic person. I went into swimming this year with a mindset that if I don't make the team, I'm not going to go to college because I'm just another person with good grades.

     That mindset slowly began to shift. As I was going to these workouts every day after school, I was forming a family with all of these other people. I was having fun and felt as though I were a part of something. College completely slipped my mind during those times.

     After discovering that I didn't make the team, I took a step back to reflect:

     Sports is not my thing.

     But I do have so many other qualities that I know a school perfect for me is going to value one day. Writing this I'm kind of surprising myself. I'm in the 9th grade. College is far, far away. Then again, it'll probably be here in the blink of an eye.

     I also talked to my parents about not making the cut. They know I want to pursue my writing somehow in the future. And they also know that I worked my butt off this month trying to get fit, improve, prove myself to the coach and in the end, myself as well.

     My mom reassured me that not making the team my freshman year isn't going to get in the way of the things I have planned out for the future. She also told me there is a reason behind every decision and event.

     There's a reason I didn't make the team. I don't know what that reason is. Whether it was because of my amateur swimming technique, or something more latent. Something that I might never find out about. Maybe something bad would've happened if I made the team. Then again, maybe not. But I've learned to accept the fate that is mine instead of dwelling on it and being disappointed.

     Next time something unfavorable happens in your life, reflect not on how what happened didn't unfold as you had hoped, but rather how what happened, happened. It was meant to be that way. You may not be able to change it, but you can accept it.

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*

Negativity

Hello, love <3

     I am currently reading "Girl Online: On Tour," Zoë Sugg's second novel.

     As I was reading today I came across a sentence that really stuck out to me and I really related to:

Page 127:
"I grit my teeth and push back any negative thoughts that try to take hold, bursting them like soap bubbles before they can land on my brain."

     When I read it I instantly related it to myself. Last week I uploaded a video to my channel, Random Talks No. 3 which you can watch below, that was centered around positivity and this sentence reminded me so much of what I had said in that video.

     Zoë is one of those people that just instantly makes you smile very, VERY wide. Her videos always get me in a good mood and turn my frown upside down if I'm not having a good day. And as I was in school, sitting in the same desk I had been for the past hour or so, I felt as though she was there motivating me to keep going and continue being positive.

     That does sound kind of creepy, but in that moment I felt like I was really relating to her, and more specifically, Penny, the main character in her novel.

     I mention in my video that I tend to be quite the "Negative Nancy" when I'm by myself. This sentence showed me that I'm not alone, and other people are the same way. I try my best to push those thoughts out of my head, but they tend to take over a lot of the time. But why let them? Why let those pesky, little thoughts whiz around in your head when you could be thinking about much more positive things?

     I mentioned in my last post that English isn't as great as I hoped, but as I was walking in the hallway with my friend on our way to English class today I went to say "Ugh, this is going to be awful." But I stopped myself mid-sentence and went with "No, this is going to be a good class." And no joke, I don't know if it was because we didn't do as monotonous work as usual or if it was because I had told myself the class wouldn't be bad, but (compared to other days) it wasn't bad at all!

     Who knew I could get that much out of 27 words?!

     So thank you Zoë (and Penny) for helping through the day and showing me that negative thoughts shouldn't control me.

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*

Hello

Hello, love <3

     No, this is not a review of Adele's new song (lol), but if you haven't heard it you definitely should!! Quite the comeback if I do say so myself.

     Anyway, I've been lacking inspiration lately. Every time I go to write a blog post, my hands don't budge and there's nothing to type. Writer's block? I don't think so. I think part of me really, really wants to get back into writing as frequently as I used to. But I think another part of me is just putting it off.

     So, I'm here. I'm here, in the now, writing this post with a smile on my face because I seem to forget that every time I write I feel all bubbly and happy inside.

     I have decided to join in on my school's newspaper because one, I wanted to join clubs and expand on extra curricular activities and two, I want to showcase my writing skills in a new way. I'm quite nervous as I don't want to compare myself to others and I don't want to let anyone down. I've gone to quite a few different clubs that I ended up not joining, but I feel as though this one is different and I will really enjoy it.

     In other news, the love of my life, Troye Sivan, announced his album titled "Blue Neighbourhood" set to be released December 4! I've already pre-ordered, but if you haven't you definitely should, or go to his YouTube channel and listen to his incredible, raw, & unique music or watch his hilarious videos.

     Fifth paragraph in and I've already promoted two artists... No shame.

     Completely different topic, I've been doing an exercise recently where very night I write down what I am thankful for, both the good and the bad. I write thank you notes to myself, you could say, and explain what each thing has taught me. It has actually helped me realize how much we learn in a day - not counting school (lol). Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and when you take a second to reflect on that it's quite an interesting conversation to have with yourself.

     Let's see, what else... I might've mentioned this before, but English this year has not been my favorite class. English (because it involves writing) is up there on my list of favorite subjects. But lately, I haven't been feeling it. If only we used that hour and 20 minutes as a free-writing period. Oh, how wonderful that would be. Have you ever had a class where you just weren't feeling it? But, I'm going to push through it, because at the end of the day I do enjoy the times in class where we do write and the rest of it is informative information. So, if you're ever in a situation where you just want to get up and walk out of the classroom, take a couple deep breaths and focus on the information that's being presented to you. If you think that it's the worst and most boring thing in the world, then it will be the worst and most boring thing in the world. If you walk in and out of that room with a positive attitude in mindset, you'll make it through much easier.

     This past month I've been going to conditioning workouts after school as I am trying out for my school's swim team next week! Workouts are an hour and a half after school each day; this week is the last week. This month I've pushed my body more than ever before. I'm proud of how far I've come and have surprised myself with the amount of work I can do. I also went to a Swim Development "class" today with the swim coach and got some great advice to help get me ready for tryouts. Hopefully, I'll make the team. Everyone at conditioning is so kind and supportive. Even though I am usually one of the last to finish whatever we are doing, their cheers and support motivate me to keep going. I really hope to make the team not only because I love to swim, but also because I want to be a part of something. I have a feeling that swimming is that something, and this "family" that I've come to know over the past month or so has made me feel very happy!

     I feel like I've just been blabbing on and on as if I'm talking to someone. Which, technically, I am. You know what I mean.

     If you have any ways of getting inspiration to write or ways of getting motivated in general, please leave a comment. It would definitely help me and I'm sure it would help others. I'll go first: Sometimes if I'm stuck, I will write the title of my post and just stem from there. Throw out a random word and base your work off of that. See where it gets you! I bet you'll write about something you never have before :)

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you very soon.

*computer hug*

Beautiful Day

Hello loves <3

     Today school was let out early (we only had to stay for 3 hours!!) and my friends and I had the best day ever!

     Izzy, Caitlin, Erika, and I walked home after school - side note: walking up hills and on grass in heeled boots is quite the workout - and popped into one of the most aesthetic cafés ever! Rush, an Australian (HOW COOL?!) espresso café was recommended to us by Izzy, and just by looking at their menu the night before I was hooked.

     My excitement built up as we entered the doors to find beautiful white, leather couches, industrial metal chairs, and rustic, wooden tables. The whole place was straight from Tumblr, pretty much.

     Erika brought her camera along so we ended up taking...umm...over 900 pictures...in the span of 7 hours...I know, CRAZY.

     Our food was absolutely DELICIOUS! I ordered the "Chicken & Basil Pesto Melt" which was exquisite. Honestly, I couldn't have been more impressed. Plus, they totally got extra points for presentation.

I mean, look at this! 

     Caitlin got the "Sydney Panini," obviously named after Sydney, Australia. A big part of Australian breakfast, I don't know about other meals, is avocado. And Izzy & Cait are BIG avocado fans, so it wasn't a surprise that Cait's sandwich had some yummy avocado in it.

     Izzy also ended up getting the "Chicken & Basil Pesto Melt" and boy, was it yummy!

Can we take a minute to appreciate how photogenic this food is?

     Izzy and I also had these drinks called "Affogatos" - basically espresso topped with ice cream and whipped cream. It was unlike anything I've had before! Izzy went to Europe this past summer and is really into foreign foods and drinks, so I was excited to try all of the things she recommended.

     Anyway after we spent an hour and a half in Rush taking silly candids and munching on amazing foods, we went up to the roof of a parking garage and had a mini photo session.

Just though this picture was super cute and artsy (thanks, Izzy).

     Everyone thought the café was super cute, chill, and relaxed. Not to mention, they had the BEST music playing. We practically knew every song! The fact that the food was Aussie-inspired and unique was awesome and quaint.

     My ultimate inspiration, Troye Sivan, is Australian; it was so cool to get a taste of Australia the only way possible here where I live.

     We went home and did some homework, danced around to all different sorts of music, created inside jokes I know we will remember forever, and spent way too long on Snapchat. I'd like to recognize my friends' amazing photography skills and am so grateful to have all of these pictures I will cherish forever! (I only included 15 here, but that leaves 942 others)

     I had so much fun with these girls and am so lucky to call them my friends. Love you!

     One last thing, Erika & Izzy have YouTube channels! We have all collabed before, I will link those videos here and here. To get to Erika's channel click here! To get to Izzy's channel click here! Be sure to subscribe as they upload awesome content! Izzy will hopefully begin uploading more amazing videos soon :) 

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*

Autumn is Upon Us!

Hello loves <3

     We are just a few days into autumn and I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! This is past year I have come to LOVE fall a lot more and really appreciate the season. So, because of that, I thought I'd write a post just expressing all of my feelings about the new season.

     First of all, do you say fall or autumn? I love saying autumn, just because it rolls off of the tongue. But I kind of use the two interchangeably.

     So, when I think of autumn I immediately think: maroon & mustard & brown, boots, sweaters, leaves, hot drinks, pumpkins, bonfires, GAH IT'S JUST SO EXCITING!! What do you guys think of when you hear the word autumn (or fall)? Recently I got back into Tumblr and I've just been spending countless minutes on my computer staring at pictures of orange, yellow, red, and brown.

Side note - I didn't believe this at first, but Tumblr IS legitimately a hole. A literal hole. Once you're in YOU CAN"T GET OUT. Follow me on tumblr: harelzivan.tumblr.com

     Fall, overall, is just an aesthetically pleasing season. No matter where you look your eyes are met with a beautiful scenery. Even if it's raining - which, believe me, here it has - there's just this thing in the air that is so cozy and warm (figuratively, I mean, as it is quite chilly). Can anyone relate - it's really hard to explain in a blog post, lol.

     One of my favorite fall activities, that I'm really eager to do soon, is a bonfire. Last year, my closest friends and I gathered a bunch of sticks and sat around the warm flames munching on s'mores and just chatting for an hour or two. It was so much fun and one of my favorite memories of all of us together.

     You know those times when you just sit back for a minute and think, I am so lucky to have these people in my life and share awesome moments like this one right now? That was one of those times and I am dying to do it again.

     Something else that comes along with autumn is HOLIDAYS! Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite holidays, EVER. First of all, food is involved, so um, count me in. Second (and most important), you are spending time with the ones you love, sitting around a table together, appreciating and being thankful for everything in your life; that just makes me really happy.

     Another big one is Halloween! Some people might say that I'm too old for dressing up, but honestly I have nothing to say them except "you do you & I'll do me".  I mean, really, you telling me that I'm too old to put on a costume and go door-to-door getting free candy isn't going to make me change my mind about doing it ... Am I right or am i right? lol.

     Anyway, I love Halloween. My favorite part is either creating my costume - this year I will be making my costume or accessorizing it in some way/doing my own makeup just like I did last year and that was probably one of my favorite things about Halloween that year because I put my own spin on my appearance - or sitting in a big room with my friends, our candy collections spilled out onto the floor, and having a big candy-trade session. I mean, it's not the best Halloween ever if you don't get those vanilla Tootsie rolls your friends don't want ;)

     Finally, the fashion. As I've said in multiple previous posts, fashion is one of the biggest ways I express myself (other than writing). And during fall time there are so many new ways to accessorize and change up your outfits: knee-high socks, oversize jumpers, beanies (OH, HOW I LOVE BEANIES), boots, mittens, scarves, and so much more!!!

     I haven't stopped smiling while writing this, and that only tells you one thing: I'm passionate about what I'm writing about. Autumn is just such a beautiful season; everything about it makes me happy.

     Unfortunately, it has been raining nonstop where I live. Which, really, I don't mind too much but I would like to see a little less rain and a little more dry, chilly, breezy weather. 

     What do you think about autumn? Are you eager for the crisp, fresh air or are you dreading it? 

  

     Hopefully I'll finish everything on this checklist :)

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*

When You Feel Overwhelmed (Pt. 2)

Hello loves <3

     So, how have you been? I know that in my last post, which you can read here, I wrote that my next post would be all about Troye's new music, but this morning was quite eventful and I wanted to talk to you guys about it.

     My second post on this blog, posted on November 26, 2014 (ONE YEAR BLOG ANNIVERSARY COMING UP!) , was titled 'When You Feel Overwhelmed'. I wrote it because I was at a time in my life where I felt like a lot of things weren't going my way. Not school, not my friends, sometimes not even my family. Over the last year or two, this feeling has been becoming more frequent.

     In my post about being overwhelmed, I had written about how a lot of my stress stems from school. This year I entered high school, and it has been an awesome experience so far. But there is a part that's quite frustrating and stressful, and that part has been finding it's way over to me these past couple weeks.

     The past several nights have involved me staying up late, much later than is needed for me to get an appropriate amount of sleep. I used to LOVE homework and getting all my assignments done neat and perfect. Granted, I do still find it thrilling to have finished an aesthetically pleasing paper or project and admire what I've accomplished, but as years have gone by I find that doing work is more a chore than something I enjoy.

     Some of you might think I'm insane for saying I enjoy homework, but everyone's different. Of course, I love writing more than anything. Although, it doesn't help that English has not proved to be my favorite period this year. There's just something about the different styles of teaching between my teacher in 8th grade and my current teacher that hasn't made me fall in love with writing in school as much I did last year. Hopefully that will change.

     Anyway, instead of continuing on with this ramble I wanted to ramble about something else - smooth transition ;)

     Everyone stresses.

     Everyone has their own problems - those might be physical, emotional, social, whatever.

     Everyone has their own ways of dealing with those problems.

     This morning I had finished my Cheerios and gone out to my driveway to wait for my ride to school. She was running late, and so I was waiting out there for a bit. It hit me suddenly that I had forgotten my health notebook on my desk. My health teacher is really strict about notebooks - we need to have them every class. So, me being me (the crazy worry machine), I start freaking out. I threw down (well, more like gently placed because it's quite heavy) my backpack and rushed to the door. Just my luck - it's LOCKED. So, again, me being me, I start tearing up. What am I going to do? I'm going to get a zero in health. I'm going to fail. I can't wake my parents and my sisters up. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??? 

     I masked my emotion, like I always do, and hid my face under my frizzy hair. I didn't want my friends to see the absolute weirdo I was being. I texted my parents telling them I had a rough morning and that I forgot some stuff and it seemed like everything was crashing down around me. I got to school all discombobulated and couldn't help but to fear the worst possible situation. Of course, we didn't really need our notebooks that day, LOL. But thankfully, I had an absolutely amazing friend with me the entire time. She noticed that I was "down in the dumps", you could say, and was so supportive and loyal. She offered me a hug and such kind words. I really, REALLY, appreciate that. SO much she'll never know.

     Anyway, I wanted to put that little spiel in here because it just shows you that sometimes we stress over nothing. We work ourselves up over things that easily don't matter. Take the time to breathe and just re-group, and go about your day.

     We all have our own stories. Our own demons inside. Our own worries and stressors. For me, those come from school, my appearance, and relationships with friends. Honestly, I didn't think I'd admit things like that a couple months ago. But I've changed. I've become more comfortable with myself, developed new relationships, and am starting to build a future for myself. But how am I supposed to build that future if I'm here worrying about not getting 100% on a neurotransmitters quiz?

     I'm a big believer of the phrase/idea: Don't dwell on the past or plan for the future, live in the moment. Yes, that kind of contradicts my previous statement about building a future, but that's just general; just thinking about possibilities and fantasizing about going to college and becoming a well-known writer. But anyway, I believe it's important to focus on the present, the NOW. It's kind of hard to do that when all of these thoughts and worries get in my head and in my way. You feel me?

     I started meditating just recently; I'll let you know how it goes. Maybe it will really make a change and improve my temper or something. But I want to make a change. Stop draining all of my energy over stupid, little worry bugs. In a previous post I compared insecurities to pests that you should just flick off. Well, I'm gonna do the same with stress. JUST FLICK IT RIGHT OFF. Let it bounce off of you. You have a built-in shield around you that doesn't let anything get in your way. Granted, that shield might be dented or even cracked sometimes, but you should always mend it back up and keep your feet planted on the ground, ready to move past anything that's causing you to feel as though everything is crashing down around you.

     If any of you can relate or even just need to talk, I'm always here! E-mail me anytime! harelrziv@gmail.com

     Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*

Eyes Shut - Years & Years

Hello loves <3

     As I was studying for some tests today I shuffled my playlist on Spotify and the song "Eyes Shut" by Years & Years came on. One of my amazing friends recommended Years & Years to me, and I added 4 of their songs to my playlist, this one included. When I first listened to the group, "Real" became my favorite, but after today it has been replaced

    I didn't appreciate how amazing "Eyes Shut" really is until tonight. It's a song with so much emotion attached to it (yes, I'm listening to it on repeat right now). The piano introduction is heavenly, and the way the piano sounds align with the lyrics is just incredible. Olly Alexander, lead singer of Years & Years, is so talented it physically blows my mind. His voice is pretty much perfect.

     I was trying to explain this to my friends today: my favorite part of the song is the snapping in the background. None of them understood what I meant - I meant the physical snaps that they created with their fingers, lol. Anyway, what I recommend is to listen to the song with earbuds and the volume as high as you'd like (I prefer full blast...). The snaps just reach my ears and ripple through my entire body. That is what music is supposed to feel like. That is pure bliss.

    To me, the song means discovering who you are and becoming stronger. You know that you have the abilities to be who you want to be - and no one else's actions can affect your journey to do so. You can see through you eyes shut, you can see that people are trying to sabotage what you're trying to accomplish, but they're not going to get in your way.

    The 2 other members of the group, Mikey Goldsworthy and Emre Turkmen, play their instruments so beautifully and the sound produced when you put all three of them together is purely angelic.

So there's a specific version of the song that is my favorite because it really emphasizes the snapping (lol, I know I'm weird), so I'd listen to this one :)

     If you haven't listened to Years & Years I DEFINITELY recommend it. If you have, what's your favorite one of their songs? If you've listened to "Eyes Shut", what do you think is the meaning/connotation behind it?

     Thank you so much for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

*computer hug*